I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
