He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
