I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
