So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
