Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
