i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
