I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
