I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He better not be in your backpack
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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