Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize