I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
