my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please, let me fuck your mom
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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