I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
