so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sex in a hospital.. check
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
