we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
