I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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