you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
