carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
