Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
