I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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