so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
