woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
