i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
