Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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