I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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