hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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