I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
