Too much gin, very little bucket
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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