i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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