you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
