she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
