Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
