They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize