no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
