her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
