Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
