new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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