So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
