he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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