Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
