Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
