I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
