oh god the rape fog is back!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
