she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
