i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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