She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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