Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
