guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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