The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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