Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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