i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
as a side note pls kill me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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