Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
