You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
