Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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