from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
