Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
