my phone needs a breathalizer
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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