ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
