I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
