One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
