I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
