the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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