best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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