Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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