Your mouth is God's brothel.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
