So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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