you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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