There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are a genius and a whore.
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