we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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