sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
