and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize