ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
