I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
