he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
