Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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