just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
