help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
