I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
