I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
