so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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