My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
try to milk me bitch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
