if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
