Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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