Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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