Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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