I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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