I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
