im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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