That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
