i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize