wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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